I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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