I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
