hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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