I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
