Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Randomize
