I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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