Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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