I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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