Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
