Apparently you make a good broom.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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