Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
false alarm. still invincible.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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