it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
