forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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