lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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