I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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