It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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