No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.