Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
