You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
