Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
last night I used snow as a chaser
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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