i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
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He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
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All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
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