His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
