I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
