So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
