Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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