I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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