Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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