Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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