just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Randomize
