I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
