Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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