I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
