I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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