would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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