508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
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Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
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So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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