Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize