the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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