Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
