i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
