Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
