He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
