I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
