I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
