Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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