So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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