I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
