Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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