hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
