Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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