Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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