Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
