4 words: hood of his car
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
