We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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