If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
