I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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