he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
