I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
