she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
