Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
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His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
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