I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
